The Original
Full-length, as seen in the parish newsletter. Warm in winter and, we are told, unbearable from about March.
- Entrail-free
- 96%
- Rabbits per leg
- 9
- Appeal to dogs
- High
- Price
- £64 per leg
The range
Three trousers. One very tired seamstress.
The Short
Also available as shorts. All the fur, none of the knee. Popular at village fêtes until the incident.
- Entrail-free
- 96%
- Rabbits per leg
- 4
- Appeal to dogs
- Very high
- Price
- £41 per leg
The Formal Flare
A wider hem for church, weddings and discos. Sweep everything before you in the aisles (and on the dancefloor).
- Entrail-free
- 96%
- Rabbits per leg
- 13
- Appeal to dogs
- Extreme
- Price
- £72 per leg
Our Head of Shorts
Every pair of The Short is tested personally by our Head of Shorts, in the open, in all weathers, and on whatever happens to be underfoot.
He has been with us for thirty-one years and still has most of his original legs.
No stump was available on the day of this photograph. The badger has since made a full recovery and a formal complaint. Shirt not included.
Our journey to 96%
Nobody asked us to remove the entrails. We did it because it was the right thing to do, and because of the letter from the Parish Council.
2019
41%
2021
63%
2023
88%
Now
96%
Wear with caution
A guide to dogs you may meet.
| Dog | Likely response | What to do |
|---|---|---|
| Spaniel | Immediate, and from several fields away | Stand on a tree stump |
| Labrador | Will attempt to eat the left leg | Offer the right leg |
| Lurcher | Has already seen you | There is nothing to do |
| Small terrier | Goes up the trouser | Remain calm and wait for it to come out |
Questions from the village
What is in the other 4%?
We would rather you didn't ask. It is mostly at the back.
Can they be washed?
Once. Do so outdoors, and let the neighbours know.
Why Albury rabbits?
They're much more gullible than the streetwise rabbits in Furneux Pelham.
Do you make them for women?
Women have seen them and have declined.